Potkin and Stubbs Read online

  ‘No, I can’t hear him,’ Abe fumed. ‘So do you mind telling me what’s going on?’

  ‘I keep forgetting you can’t hear him,’ Lil explained to Abe.

  ‘I realise that,’ he said through gritted teeth. ‘So?’

  ‘So.’ Lil shrugged. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘No!’ Abe’s face was puce. ‘I mean: so, where – is – he?

  Lil paused dramatically and then, noticing that Abe’s eye had started to twitch dangerously and might actually pop out if she kept him in suspense much longer, she let the words just tumble out: ‘The man you’ve been looking for all these years, it’s the mayor – Tantalus Dean.’

  Abe’s jaw dropped an inch. For a moment he seemed lost for words, and then he found one. ‘Impossible!’

  ‘Not impossible.’ Lil flicked his disbelief aside. ‘Think about it, Abe. The two most distinctive characteristics about Ramon LeTeef are his white hair and his yellow pointed teeth, right? And even though the mayor is in his forties, his hair doesn’t have any grey in it, not a speck. So maybe he dyes it! And if you think about it, his teeth do kind of stick out. So, maybe they are false teeth! And why would someone dye their hair and wear false teeth? Well, maybe it’s because they are trying to disguise the two things that would make them conspicuous!’

  Lil gave Abe a moment to let the revelation soak in. She watched him chew it over, clenching and unclenching his jaw, while breathing heavily through his nose.

  ‘Don’t sweat it, Abe,’ she said helpfully. ‘I didn’t notice either. I suppose it’s like one of those optical illusions; you either see it or you don’t. Of course, once you do, it is so obvious.’

  Abe let his forehead drop onto the steering wheel. ‘I’ve been searching for LeTeef for years and he was right there, under my nose, all along. I don’t deserve to be called a detective.’

  ‘Come off it!’ cried Lil. ‘No one knew! Well, I’ll bet Weasel did – that’s probably why he came after you at the Mingo. When he saw you in the lobby of City Hall that time he must have thought you were on to them. No wonder this city is going down the toilet; the mayor is a dangerous crook – and a dead one if we don’t hurry up. Let’s go!’

  Abe crunched the car into gear and they pulled away at speed.

  ‘So where does the mayor live?’ asked Lil.

  ‘Beats me,’ said Abe.

  Lil looked askance at Nedly but he just shrugged back.

  ‘OK,’ said Lil. ‘Pull up over there.’ She pointed towards an isolated phone box further up the road.

  She jumped out and into a puddle, barely pausing to angrily kick some of the water off the surface. Her fingers were wet and slippery as she flicked through the fat telephone directory looking for Dean, T.

  Lil found it tucked away amongst the thin grey pages, in micro-typeface, but there for all to see. She bolted back to the car and stretched her seat belt across her lap. ‘It’s 211, Yang Guang Heights.’

  ‘Of course it is,’ growled Abe.

  He did an eight-point turn on the narrow country lane and then they sped off as Lil pulled a Peligan City A–Z out of the glove compartment and started shouting directions over the roar of the engine.

  Chapter 25

  Chez Dean

  Yang Guang Heights was Peligan’s playground for the rich and infamous, a luxury estate in the Garden District on the north side of town. The mansion houses were designed to resemble the imperial palaces of ancient China, with green and sweeping gabled roofs and winged balconies that encircled each floor.

  Number 211 stood back from the road amidst sloping lawns and glassy rectangular ponds. The electric gates were already open. Abe switched the lights to low and rolled the car slowly down the driveway. Everything looked quiet. Too quiet.

  Suddenly an apparition lurched past the headlights. Abe slammed on the brakes, but the figure ran on, oblivious. Lil recognised Craig Weasel dressed in a purple satin tracksuit and sandals. His eyes were wide and staring, his mouth was agape and his hair streamed behind him like ginger string.

  Abe and Lil exchanged glances.

  ‘It looks like the party has already started,’ Abe noted grimly, and then he moved the car forward again. They pulled up outside the front door and he killed the lights. The house was in darkness.

  Lil looked nervously at the mansion, and then back down the drive where Craig Weasel had fled. ‘Maybe the storm caused a power cut?’

  ‘Maybe,’ said Abe. He rubbed at the stubble on his chin. ‘You wait out here for me. I’m going in alone.’

  Nedly gave Lil a worried look. ‘The other ghost, Mr Grip, is probably inside. I’ll be able to see him, but you won’t. Neither will Abe. He’ll be a sitting duck.’

  ‘We’ll stick together,’ Lil informed Abe. ‘Either we all go in, or no one does.’

  ‘I don’t suppose I could stop you anyway,’ he grumbled. ‘All right, but don’t take any chances. Ramon LeTeef is a dangerous man, and so is Gallows. What we potentially have here is a situation involving two dangerous criminals in a dark and unfamiliar house, and if what Gallows said was true, another ghost that we can neither see nor hear but who may attack us at any time.’

  Abe switched his driving attachment for his multi-purpose pincers, slipped a monkey wrench into the pocket of his mac and strung a pair of binoculars round his neck. Lil zipped up her mac and stuffed a notebook and pencil into her pocket.

  ‘You’ve got your tools of the trade; I’ve got mine,’ she said, scooping up the torch from the foot well.

  They got out of the car and quietly closed the doors. Abe held out his hand.

  ‘Give me the torch.’

  ‘It’s OK, I’ve got it.’

  ‘It’s my torch.’

  Lil puffed out her cheeks. ‘What does it matter who carries it? Fine, you take it if it means that much to you.’ She pushed it at him.

  ‘Thanks.’ Abe gripped it firmly. ‘It does.’

  He moved the beam of light across the front of the house, dipping it into the empty rooms. It didn’t look like anyone was home. Lil nudged Abe and pointed towards the back of the house where a cloud of smoke was rising into the night air.

  ‘Over there,’ she said.

  They hurried towards it. The smoke was coming from a log-cabin-style outbuilding. As they drew nearer they realised it wasn’t smoke, but steam that was billowing out through the open door of the mayor’s private sauna. Lil peeked inside; there was no sign of the mayor.

  Abe pinned himself against the wall of the house and gestured for Lil to wait there, then poked at the back door. It swung open with a creak onto a dark and empty utility room.

  ‘All right,’ said Abe. He paused on the threshold. ‘Stay behind me.’

  ‘I’ll go first,’ said Nedly, and slipped through the brickwork.

  Inside, the air was colder than it was outside. Abe’s torchlight quivered along the walls like a nervous search beam checking each room for adversaries, alive or dead. In the conservatory, draughts fluttered the leaves of waxy plants and rattled blinds. They went through to the kitchen, where a line of hanging cups swayed and knocked against each other and the taps groaned and trickled.

  As they made their way along the hall – bang! – a door slammed shut somewhere. Abe spun his torch round to face the direction of the sound and the bulb flickered and grew dim.

  The detective gulped audibly.

  Lil’s breath billowed out in front of her like a cloud of fog. ‘Why do you think Gallows called the other ghost Mr Grip?’ she asked shakily.

  Abe’s fingers instinctively reached for his throat. ‘I don’t think I want to know.’

  ‘Because that’s how he kills people,’ Nedly answered in a voice so quiet that it was less than a whisper. ‘He strangles them. Owl told me.’

  ‘I don’t think I wanted to know that either,’ muttered Lil. She reached out a hand and took hold of Abe’s sleeve.

  ‘Something’s coming,’ he growled.

  They looked up as the sound of scampe
ring footsteps danced overhead and then faded into another part of the house. The door at the end of the hall was shut but they could hear a scraping sound and then a thud coming from beyond it.

  ‘Stay close,’ whispered Abe, as they shuffled reluctantly onwards. ‘I think he’s in there.’ He turned the handle and the door itself swung open with a reedy screech revealing a darkened room that smelt of cigar smoke.

  Cold sweat beaded Lil’s forehead as she cautiously followed Abe inside and beckoned Nedly to come too.

  He peered over her shoulder. ‘I think I can see someone standing there in the darkness.’

  Now that her eyes had adjusted Lil could just make out the ghostly form too. She tugged at Abe’s sleeve and tried to say something but only a high-pitched squeak came out.

  Abe swung the torchlight up and they both gasped, staggering back. Abe tripped over a coffee table and dropped the torch. The light went out.

  While he tried to scramble to his feet Lil groped around until she found the torch and then, with hands shaking, fumbled the switch until the light came on. She pointed it like a weapon at the figure.

  It was a statue of Mayor Dean, an alabaster figure with a much-exaggerated physique and an election-winning smile. Lil breathed out in relief and dropped the beam but caught something else. Something that shrank back from the light like a spider.

  They could hear the gibbering, whispering sound the thing was making as it crouched in the corner. Lil caught it in the torch beam again. Mayor Dean, aka Ramon LeTeef, was huddled behind the statue, his scrawny arms and legs cradling his pot belly. He was wearing nothing but skimpy blue swimming trunks and a pair of brown-glass tanning goggles strung round his neck. His eyes wheeled round, blinking in the strong light. His false teeth were gone and his mouth was full of pointed and glistening yellow teeth. His bloodshot eyes quivered, and beneath his fake tan Lil could see that his face was grey and clammy.

  ‘Help me,’ he whispered, and then he fainted.

  Abe caught his body as it collapsed forward. He shook LeTeef hard and then gave him a sharp slap to the chops. The mayor came around with a woozy expression.

  ‘Ramon LeTeef,’ Abe said, strong-arming the mostly naked man to his feet. ‘At last, we meet again.’

  He was about to embark on what Lil imagined was a well-rehearsed speech when LeTeef suddenly cocked his head to one side, as though he had heard something in the air. Then, without warning, he wriggled free and, shrieking blue murder, ran from the room with his bare feet slip-slapping on the tiled floor.

  ‘What the …?’ Abe cursed and turned to follow but the door LeTeef had just exited through slammed shut in his face.

  The torchlight was snuffed out like a candle flame. Lil started shaking; her heart was hammering in her chest. From somewhere far away they heard the distant sound of bells tinkling. Abe rummaged in his pockets for a matchbook and after a couple of strikes a yellow flame sprang to life at the end of a shaking pincer.

  His face was marble-white and sweat trickled down from his hat. ‘I don’t like this,’ he said. The match went out.

  They heard a sound from the hallway, a lurching creak, a heavy weight shifting on a floorboard.

  Abe lit another match; he looked over at Lil. Lil was watching Nedly.

  ‘He’s coming,’ Nedly whispered. ‘Mr Grip.’

  ‘We have to get out of here,’ Abe barked, but when he saw the look on Lil’s face he froze. ‘What? What is it?’

  Creeeak. This time it sounded nearer. Creeeak. The footsteps paused. They all stared at the door as very slowly the knob began to turn.

  Lil just had time to murmur, ‘Do you see that?’ when the second match went out as an icy draught filled the room.

  Creeeak. Abe lit his third and final match. As it flared, they watched in horror as the door swung open. No one was there. Lil and Abe exchanged uncertain glances but Nedly staggered backwards, his wide-eyed gaze tilted upwards at something no one else could see. The fine crystal teardrops on the chandelier tinkled softly.

  ‘Is it him?’ Lil couldn’t stop her voice from trembling.

  Silently Nedly nodded his head.

  The matchlight danced in Abe’s shaking hand. Shadows jumped on the walls.

  ‘What’s he doing?’

  Nedly’s eyes didn’t move from the point he was fixed on. His voice was barely a whisper. ‘He’s just standing there, staring.’

  Lil waited a beat. ‘Is he still standing there?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Where is he now?’

  Nedly turned his head slowly to face her. Lil could see the answer from the look in his eyes. There was a heavy creeeak! from nearby and then the third match went out.

  ‘Lil?’ Abe hissed at her from across the room.

  Lil stood motionless in the abysmal dark, her heart beating like a boxer on a speed bag. In the blackness pixelated, vague shapes coalesced into thicker shadows, amassing in the centre of the room, moving towards her and becoming a thing she could not see but somehow sense, as empty and as terrible as a black hole.

  Time seemed to stand still. Lil’s breath abandoned her as a faint wisp that curled away and then was suddenly blown to pieces as the lit-up and shimmering form of Nedly burst from the shadows and skidded to a halt in front of her. His thin frame seemed to block the terrible darkness ahead. Lil stumbled backwards and watched, horror-struck, as Nedly launched himself at the invisible bulk of Mr Grip and gave him a massive shove.

  Books flew off shelves, glass smashed against walls, and the mirror exploded. The radiogram sprang to life in a display of lights and sound, making them all jump. At ear-splitting volume a chirpy song rang out: Don’t sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, anyone else but me, anyone else but me. No, no, no. And then the speakers blew but the music continued, only now the song was playing backwards.

  Crouching on the floor, Lil could just see Nedly, his pale skin still glowing white, leaning with all his might and somehow holding the colossal ghost at bay. No, not just holding him at bay – from the angle of his body Lil realised he was actually forcing him backwards. Nedly was winning.

  The walls groaned, the ceiling cracked and with a metallic snap the large chandelier broke free from its chains, plummeted straight through Nedly and hit the ground with a crash, sending up a spray of crystal, which pelted Lil like hail.

  ‘Lil!’ she heard Abe shout, adding to the din as he hurtled his way towards her through the chaos, tripping over rugs and footstools, wading through scatter cushions, never slowing until, finally, he struck out and found her, crawled over to where she was huddled and formed a shield against the flying debris. He took a battering through his worn old mac, which tented out like a cloak around them, with one arm crooked overhead to try to fend off an enemy he couldn’t see.

  From under the mac Lil could see Nedly standing his ground, like a twig resisting a gale-force wind, but it seemed to her that he was growing dull and flickering – and had his feet shifted position slightly to a more defensive stance? He’s getting tired, she thought and realised with horror that he was starting to lose. She wanted to yell at him to give up and get out of there, but he was their only hope of getting away. Wishing that there was something, anything, she could do to help him fight, Lil put all her frustration into the only weapon she had left and above the chaos and the noise she shouted, ‘COME ON, NEDLY! COME ON!’

  Nedly burnt brighter. The three-piece suite exploded, cushions ripping, sending a fountain of feathers into the air. Through the dust and stuffing Lil could see his skinny form arched over, like he was forcing a lid shut on an impossibly full suitcase. His arms were trembling with the effort. His eyes were glaring white.

  ‘COME ON, NEDLY!’ Abe bellowed suddenly into the wilderness. ‘YOU CAN DO IT!’

  The lanky ghost of Ned Stubbs, lit up like a flare, shoved back against the floor with his legs and then tumbled forward, as though a door he had been pushing against had finally swung open. The radiogram cut out. The other ghost had
gone.

  It was over – just like that.

  Nedly clambered to his feet, and stood bent over, his hands resting on his knees. He looked drained and so thin he was almost concave. He looked up at Lil with a mystified almost-smile on his lips. ‘You OK?’

  Lil snorted. ‘I’m OK. Are you OK?’

  ‘I’m OK,’ answered Abe shakily.

  Nedly nodded slowly. ‘I think so. I can’t believe …’ The words were snatched away as he was suddenly yanked backwards as if someone had taken hold of a fistful of sweatshirt and jerked him off his feet. One minute he was falling and then there was a sucking sound like a plunger on a drain and the ghost of Ned Stubbs disappeared.

  Hearing Lil scream, Abe screamed too. Then they both stood in darkness and silence.

  ‘What just happened?’ Abe croaked.

  ‘He’s vanished! Nedly! Gone!’ The words spilled out as panic whirred in Lil’s belly. She struggled to piece together what she had just witnessed. ‘I think he’s taken him.’

  ‘Who’s taken who?’

  ‘Mr Grip has taken Nedly.’ She couldn’t believe it.

  They were dazzled as the house lights suddenly blinked on, followed by the garden lanterns and then security floodlights that illuminated the driveway. Lil felt the temperature in the room start to rise and the creepy feeling that had shot through the house began to dissipate. She had never been so sorry to feel normal.

  The old detective clambered to his feet and shook the splinters of glass and crockery from his mac. He held out a hand and pulled Lil back onto her feet. ‘Come on, kid. We’ve got work to do. If Nedly has taken out this other ghoul, then he’s bought us a window of opportunity to apprehend LeTeef.’

  Lil stared up at him miserably.

  Abe didn’t meet her eye. ‘I’m sure he’ll be back,’ he said, roughing up a patch of paisley-patterned rug underfoot.

  ‘You better be right,’ Lil muttered gloomily.

  They found LeTeef in an upstairs bathroom, hiding in the tub. He had pulled the shower curtain down and it hung over him like a ghostly sheet, but without any eyeholes. Lil could hear him whimpering to himself.